Dear friend of mine with the dogs and cats:

Let me first say that I love animals. I think they are cute and I hate to see them abused. I understand how one becomes attached to a pet- I have had numerous dogs in my life and I was VERY attached to them all.

But see, while I understand that pets can become surrogates for love when one can’t have children or are lonely, it irks me to no end when people compare their dogs to my- or any other- child.

I know, I know. Toddlers have very much in common with puppies and many other young animals. They frolic, run around non-stop, and often times pee on your leg at the worse time. However, there is a major difference- one that cannot be ignored. Children are HUMAN BEINGS and animals are well, NOT! Here is how you can tell the difference:

1. Young children- no matter how grown they think they are- cannot be left home alone to run out to the corner store for a pack od cigs and a six pack.
2. Clothes are a neccesity for children and while more often than not my daughters clothes are dirty, I cannot take her outside naked.
3. It is NEVER acceptable for children to fornicate in a park while lapping up water from a  puddle. Even without a puddle it is still cause for rage.  (see #9)
4. We never consider putting a child down because he/she as broken a leg or become paralyzed.
5. Children do not age 7 years at a time no matter how quickly time flies.
6. Breastfeeding my child is more acceptable than breastfeeding my cat (although not by much).
7. Leaving a child in the car while you drink a latte is never good practice.
8. Giving up a child for an apartment when you have been looking for a month- not going to happen. Giving up a pet- it’s a possibility.
9. Neutering or Spading a child is not what it means to domesticate him/her.
10. No matter how much they embarrass you in front of company, it is cruel to lock a child in his/her room when friends visit.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. It’s not that I am unsympathetic. It’s just that when I explain to friends that my husband and I are dying for a day alone, the last thing I want to hear is that your dong does not leave you alone. When I talk about how I can’t have sex with my husband unless my daughter is out of the house because she runs in, I really don’t want to hear that your dog does the same thing.  I don’t want you to tell me that you can’t help me out because your dong needs to be walked or your cat kept you up all night meowing for no other reason that she was in heat.

Why?

Because when you do this you minimize my role as a mom and your make a mockery our of very real issues that parents have. It is frustrating to talk to you because you think you understand but you don’t. You pets are important to you- GREAT. I love that they are, but it is not the same thing and should never be compared to the what it takes to parent a child. NEVER.

Thanks for reading,

Kristina

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