{W}Dialogue: Reflect.Rethink.Redo
“You did it again? I swear you are so fickle.”
“I’m not fickle. I’m a Virgo! you wouldn’t understand.”
“How do you know…”
“I’m constantly changing and moving and I can’t help it. I know- I said I would leave the other design up for a while, but I changed my mind. It’s my right. Right?”
“Well then, why the black? Why the change?”
” I was listening to “Back to Black” you know, Amy Whinehouse? And I started thinking that if I had to describe where I am in my life using colors, I wouldn’t be able to. All I see are shards of broken crayons melted together from the heat of of my tears.”
“Who talks like this? I can’t follow you when you get like this”
“The confusion is too much for me and I decided that I needed to deal with things in stages. And for me that meant going “back to black”.
“But black is despair. It’s void. It’s empty.”
“For you. For many. But for me, for me, black is soothing.”
“It would be.”
“Listen, OK. Just listen. When I was a child I would sit in the dark and try to figure out what my next move would be when life got hectic and harsh. And as I sorted through the mucky mess that one often gets when too many colors mix, my black would be filled with very specific hues. I would see blues, and yellows, and greens, almost like they were flooding me with clarity.
As I sat today I saw RED. Not angry red. It was more of a fiery amber of passion. And it suddenly occurred to me that what I’m missing more than anything is passion- that spark that urged me to “do” rather than “stew” and as I looked at my previous blog design I realized that I was trying to force myself backwards instead of trying to push myself forward.”
“I see. Go on”
“We do that when we get scared about the future, don’t we? We do that because going back is so much safer than going forward- we know what’s there already.
I need reminding that life moves forward but that sometimes we have to go back to the basics so that we are grounded before leaping. I needed something that would allow me to escape not feeling well both physically and emotionally.
It is my “Back to Black”. It is my reminder to fly and to RISE. It is where I am right now and what I need to remember. And when I look at it I see my passion.”
“I’ve been worried about you. Sometimes this side of you scares me.”
“But I’m good now. I’m back.”
This post is a part of {W}rite-of-passage challenge #7– “Dialogue”. Here are others joining in this week and you should too.
Glad to see you embracing your passion and your mercurial nature. Unfortunately, we’re taught that the pursuit of adventure and exploration is ‘impractical’ and flighty, when, for some of us, it is vital to our being. Living in the whirlwind of constant change is exhilarating and for me, necessary. Going forward often takes us back to living in a place of authenticity. Since we’re only in this life for a short time, why be anything other than authentic?
Good for you!
You are one of the only people I know who thinks my “mercurial nature” is a positive. LOL. I have to admit though that while i am starting to understand that it is a good thing it can often be exhausting and frustrating. Those times when I am forced to stop are usually times of misery and depression for me… I hate that.
I love it!
It’s so funny how anything “out of the ordinary” makes people uncomfortable, isn’t it?! I’m a very reflective person as well. I love the depth of your thought. Some people look at black and red and see depression and despair… others look at black and red and see fire and passion. Perception is reality, no? 
.-= Kat @ For the Love of Chaos´s last blog ..GIVEAWAY: Eden Fantasys – Bed of Roses =-.
.-= Kat @ For the Love of Chaos´s last blog ..GIVEAWAY: Eden Fantasys – Bed of Roses =-.
And you know what Kat- my perception has always been a little odd. LOL Thanks for commenting.
Incredibly well written! I am a fellow black lover as well – I don’t believe it’s a sad color either though we are in the minority. I enjoyed your writing!
.-= Natalie at Mommy on Fire´s last blog ..A Sorta Fairy Tale =-.
Wow this is so great. Changing website design is like changing home decor and there are so many background reasons to wanting to change and it was fun to read yours.
Thank you for your feedback to my post. I do not do RSS feed but I will link you to my blogroll and hope to see you again.
.-= Ocean Girl´s last blog ..Happiness Is A Warm Gun =-.
Hi – found your post at Write of Passage but prefer to comment on the blog because I like to see comments on my blog! So I like this post but not for a dialogue. It just seems too one sided. I just don’t have a sense of who your talking to and for a dialogue I think it should be about the exchange between voices. But I do like to point of your post and the imagery with the colors. I like your twist on black being linked with your passion. Your side of the convo rings true, authentic!
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..What would you do with four days all to yourself? =-.
Thank you for commenting. I too like comments on my blog. LOL.
I agree with you as the conversation is one sided. But I think often conversations are usually dominated by the person who has more to say/prove. What I was trying to show was that there was almost a need for “her” to explain why she did something because “he’ was looking at it very superficially. I don’t know- it’s based on an actual conversation that I had too. LOL.
As for the colors, thank you. I see color very differently than most. My husband and I often discuss my view of colors and how they shape my mood and my focus.