Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds But It Does Make You Smarter
I have talked in the past about having an unhealthy relationship with my mother, so I do not want to rehash that relationship other than to say that I have made the decision to sever all ties to her.
It’s hard to fathom- a daughter cutting her mother out of her life- but it has been something that I have known needed to happen for years. I became very sentimental when I was pregnant and when my in-laws ignored my wishes and invited her to baby shower, I decided to let bygones be bygones and allow her to be part of my life. Unfortunately, my decision to allow my mother back into my life r was exactly what I knew it to be: a mistake.
I know, how did we go from her giving me beautiful furniture to having no relationship at all? Well, all I can say is that with my mother this is the way it goes. But no more. I have to walk away because if I do not the damage that she continues to inflict on me will trickle down to my daughter and it is MY job to ensure that does not happen.
Our relationship has always been a ticking bomb and that bomb detonated a few days ago. No daughter should EVER have to endure being called names or be told that she is a horrible person because of mistakes that she may or may not have made as a child. No child should ever be made to feel inadequate because he/she has not submitted to the unbending demands of his/her parent. And yet, although this behavior is unacceptable, I listened as my mother called me a liar, a whore, a disappointment and a ton of other terms that I have discarded along with my relationship with her and the stupidity of my childhood.
I am writing this post to purge, but also to remind you that parents are supposed to love their children- unconditionally. Children will make mistakes but no 31 year-old should ever be expected to apologize for the mistakes of their past. No child should very know that their parent will side with strangers who make assumptions over their own children. No child should endure abuse from anyone- especially not those who are charged with protecting him or her.
My daughter is my world. She is my heart and I will protect her at all cost. I will never be the cause of her pain or suffering. I will not allow her to witness the unhealthy relationship that I have with my mother because it is toxic and I, we, are better than that.
I am free. It hurts, but I am a survivor.
I can relate this post on so many levels
I am really sorry to hear that you were treated in this way. Although no replacement for a mother please know that you have friends that care about you and your well-being
I love having things in common with others , Tanyetta, but i hate having this is common with you! Thanks for the kind words. I sent you an email last night, did you get it?
You have a knack for saying the right things and helping me put things in perspective. I thank you for that.
I have witnessed this unhealthy relationship for over 11 years and I tell you cutting Pure Evil out of her life is the best thing she can do. There is nothing positive that comes out of this mother daughter relationship, except maybe how not to be a mother. It’s me and you forever BooBoo.
Thanks for sharing. I’ve had a terrible relationship with my mother for a number of years. It is so painful, but at some point you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself. Sending you good vibes.
Peace.
I have learned that there are so many women who have had similar relationships with their own mothers. It is sad because it i truly a relationship that is needed and important, but much can be learned from bad ones too. Thank you for the good vibe (I am sending you the same) and I hope you come back to visit.
Is your mother my mother? Sometimes it feels weird having a mom, but not having a mom.
Your site is great!
Thank you so much for the compliment. It is so true- having a mother but not the relationship can be tough. But like I said in my post and my husband can atteast to this, I have learned what not to do as a parent. I think that is so important.
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Hi!I to was abused from my mother.My mother was phyically and mentally abusive.I am 49 years old,I didn’t see my mother for 26 years due to her abuse and her not wanting me,but something happen 4 years ago ,my mother and father got divorced due to his adultary life style and my mom changed for the better.I learned to forgive her and because I seem to have followed the same choice of man ,I understand why my mom was so cold.My mom had a huge terrible front ,but deep inside she was hurting,sometimes we all need to step back and look at the big picture and try to figure out why,and I did that and I had to forgive and let go so I can try to have a much screneity in my life.I still have so huge issues to take care of ,but the hardship with my mom and her abuse with me is gone,it’s got to be,for life is to precise and short to not forgive and let it go.I do understand what you are going thru completely and hopefully we can chat.