January 27th, 2010

{W}Dialogue: Reflect.Rethink.Redo

“You did it again? I swear you are so fickle.”

“I’m not fickle. I’m a Virgo! you wouldn’t understand.”

“How do you know…”

“I’m  constantly changing and moving and I can’t help it. I know-  I said I would leave the other design up for a while, but I changed my mind. It’s my right. Right?”

“Well then, why the black? Why the change?”

” I was listening to “Back to Black” you know, Amy Whinehouse? And I started thinking that if I had to describe where I am in my life using colors, I wouldn’t be able to. All I see are shards of broken crayons melted together from the heat of of my tears.”

“Who talks like this? I can’t follow you when you get like this”

“The confusion is too much for me and I decided that I needed to deal with things in stages. And for me that meant going “back to black”.

“But black is despair. It’s void. It’s empty.”

“For you. For many. But for me, for me, black is  soothing.”

“It would be.”

“Listen, OK. Just listen. When I was a child I would sit in the dark and try to figure out what my next move would be when life got hectic and harsh. And as I sorted through the mucky mess that one often gets when too many colors mix, my black would be filled with very specific hues. I would see blues, and yellows, and greens, almost like they were flooding me with clarity.

As I sat today I saw RED. Not angry red. It was more of a fiery amber of passion. And it suddenly occurred to me that what I’m  missing more than anything is passion- that spark that urged me to “do” rather than “stew” and as I looked at my previous blog design I realized that I was trying to force myself backwards instead of trying to push myself forward.”

“I see. Go on”

“We do that when we get scared about the future, don’t we? We do that because going back is so much safer than going forward- we know what’s there already.

I need reminding that life moves forward but that sometimes we have to go back to the basics so that we are grounded before leaping. I needed something that would allow me to escape not feeling well both physically and emotionally.

It is my “Back to Black”. It is my reminder to fly and to RISE. It is where I am right now and what I need to remember. And when I look at it I see my passion.”

“I’ve been worried about you. Sometimes this side of you scares me.”

“But I’m good now. I’m back.”

This post is a part of {W}rite-of-passage chal­lenge #7– “Dialogue”. Here are oth­ers join­ing in this week and you should too.