October 16th, 2008

An Open Letter to Moronic Fashion Designers for Children

Dear MFDC:

I love to go shopping for my daughter but it is becoming more of a hassle than it is worth. People who know me think that I am overly-protective of my daughter. In fact, sometimes, I think that I may be too, but then I go clothes shopping for her and realize that there is no such thing as being too protective. I am a parent and protecting my child is what I should be doing. But I am feel like I am figthing against corporate giants who want me to fail.

I did not think that I had would have to sayl this to adults, but my daughter is 30 months (2 years 6 months). She does not need a two-piece bathing suit. She does not need a thong, or a tube top, or really short skirts. She does not need high heels, or wedges, or flip flops. She does not need pants that say “Juicy” or “Apple Bottom” or anything for that matter.

She is a child.

She needs clothes that do not sexualize her.

She needs to develop a strong sense of self before her self-esteem is challenged through thoughtless marketing and idiotic objectifications.

She needs to be a child.

And you should be ashamed.

Thank you,

An Irate Parent

September 26th, 2008

It Think It’s Time For A Friend Purge

I’m stressed. I’m stressed and feeling rather down and under-appreciated and definitely not respected. See, I don’t have a lot of friends. I have kept my circle small because there has always been drama when I was surrounded by too many. However, the ones that I have are dropping the ball lately. They are treating me like crap and it is finally starting to take its toll.

I am designing a web page for a , um, friend- have been for almost 6 months now. I’m not kidding. Completed sites normally take me about 2-4 weeks, but this one has been in progress for 6 months now. It’s not that I have been procrastinating. I have been working pretty much every day for more the 5 hours a day. Well, that is until recently. See, the friend is not paying me. The friend is not paying me at all. And despite my Virgo tendencies to want everything to be perfect, somewhere in mid August I realized that this person is a taker. I realized that this person is not worth the stress. And while I am not going to stop (I’ve put too much work in this), I just don’t care anymore. The site will not function well because this person does not respect my expertise in a field that I have been learning for the last 10 years. This person does not want to compromise and, so, I will do what is wanted despite what I know is best. In addition, this site is for a business and while I am busting my ass to get this site up and running, I know that the owner is not willing to do what it takes to get the business going. I know that it will never be successful. And so be it.

But what bothers me the most is that the person I am VOLUNTEERING my services to, has no regard for my personal time or space. The late night phone calls, the annoyed tone when I don’t jump when asked, lack of concern for what is going on in my life has made me ponder if it is in my best interest to continue the friendship at all.

And then, there are my other so-called friend (my in-real-life-friends). It seems that since every one knows that I am no longer teaching and am doing web and print design for a living, I am expected to do things for free. I  get emails like the ones below. They are actual emails that I have received in the last week.

Kristina,
My daughter is having a birthday party next month. I want you to make her invitation. You don’t have to get a gift, just design the invitation. Thanks! I need it by next Monday.

K-
I want to do a blog. Can you set it up for me. I know you must be bored being home. Just loook for some images for me and let me know what I owe you for them.

Hey girl! What’s up? I miss you. Sorry I haven’t called or emailed before today. I need new business cards. You do that right? I was going to go to a service, but realized that I had an in with you.

I don’t mind helping people out, but it should not be expected. In fact, knowing that I am no longer receiving a steady paycheck should be reason enough for them NOT to ask me to provide services for free. I swear I’m at the point where I DREAD checking my email. I mean I really dread it.

Of course, when I say “no” these poor excuses for friends are suddenly too busy to talk. And when they do call, it is only to ask me for something or to vent to me about their lives. God forbid I need to vent- suddenly the kids are calling, or the dog needs to be walked, or it’s too late.

The fact of the matter is that the people who I call friends now are only concerned with one thing: themselves. They don’t care what is going on in my life.

And that hurts.

I do, however, have to say that I love my internet friends. Renee, who has never met me in real life, took time to send me a freelance writing job posting for educators simply because she knew I needed money. She is willing to hold my hand on our flight to Disney. Mommy at MommyDaddy Blog offered to help me learn to make money off of my blog although we have never met. When I was pregnant and on bed rest for 5 months and completely stressed it was not my so-called friends who soothed my fears. Kristen, Mom-101, and Ninja Poodles took me under their wings. They talked me through some tough times.

I guess there are still nice people in the world. I just wish they lived closer. LOL.

September 5th, 2008

I’m a WHAM (Emphasis on the “Work”)

When we decided that it was worth it- me giving the web design business a real shot- we also decided that it would behoove us if I did not work outside of the home. After all, it was way too expensive to pay for child-care and my hubby understood that I was not happy under the circumstances.

The plan was as follows:

(1) I would work part-time (1 day a week) outside of the home at my current place of employment just to ensure a steady income on my part.

(2) I would bust my butt to build my business.

It was a simple plan, right? But hubby and I recently had a little spat about the roles that we would now play. Specifically, th “you’re home now so you do the housework,” comment sent this Mom on the Rise down a war-path.

After I managed to keep from ripping my hubby’s heart out, I decided to explain the difference between a WAHM and a SAHM.

“Let’s get this straight. A SAHM does not find ways to bring money into the house. She works with what the family has and takes care of the domestic duties. A WAHM cannot do both alone. She cannot focus on bringing money in AND take care of all the household duties. It’s unfair to assume that would be the way things will work. We are both working Parents and we are both responsible for the housework. If you want me to do it all, that is fine- I will be a SAHM, but don’t look to me to being in any extra money- that is all on you.”

It did not sit to well with him, at least I don’t think it did. But what I know is that WAHM cannot and should not be expected to carry such a heavy load on their own. When we got married we both agreed that if we work then we would split the household responsibilites 50/50. Why should that change? Yes, I am home. But I am home trying to build a business while taking care of a 29 month-old while he is at work. Is it too much to ask for him to help with the laundry? The bathroom? I think not.

August 26th, 2008

When Bartering Pisses on You

I have been trying to get my business of the ground for a while now. Back in February, when I first realized that I could actually make money designing web sites, I offered my services to anyone who even appeared to need one. An acquaintance is also self-employed and in a field that was very useful to me. He needed a website; I needed his services (and get your mind out of the gutter- I’m a married woman). We decided to exchange services. However, I seemed to have gotten the short end of the stick.

His services are only necessary every six months and do not cost nearly as much as I would charge for a web design. Once he completes his services, I cannot go back and request changes. It is a done deal. And it only takes on day. Web Design, on the other hand, can be a very long and tedious process. And it’s hard to set limits when most people don’t understand the process.

So, the first site that I did was good. Despite the fact that I did not agree with some of the choices he made for the site, I complied because the customer is always right. There were some other minor issues in that he did not get information to me in the alloted timeframe (very bad) and he is somewhat of a know-it-all. But, alas we got things done and I was more than happy to add this job to my portfolio.

Over the course of this time I used his services twice. The first time I was very satisfied. The second time, he kind of pushed me into a direction that I was not 100% comfortable with, but I went with it and was satisfied. The the third time never happened for some reason. When I suggested that we give his site a makeover, he was all too excited to offer his services to me again. That was the first sign of trouble.

Over the next two months and a countless exchange of emails, I realized that this person did not have any real respect for what web design entails. In fact, he was/is very selfish and does not care that I am trying to build a business. I have to market and build some free templates.  Did I mention that I have not used his services again because he keeps flaking out on me? In fact, he has told me that he was going to meet me and has not shown.

Well Monday was the final straw. I received an email asking me to change and already approved site that has been coded, uploaded, and except for a few minor changes, completed. I decided to let him know that I would not be making the changes he requested because he is taking advantage of the situation. What he is asking me to do would be a complete makeover when, after asking 10 times if he liked it, I was told 10 times that it was perfect.

I told him in not-so-nice terms what was on my mind.

Was i wrong?