Self-Defeating Behavior
Maybe I am actually afraid to be successful at weight loss. It seems to me that if I truly wanted to lose weight, I would just jump on it, right? Yet, as heartfelt as my previous entries were, I have fallen back into some behaviors that have helped to keep me fat. That’s part of the reason that I have not been blogging here. I find it much easier to lie to myself when I am not writing things out.
But yesterday, I had a realization after finding out that a friend’s husband ended up in the hospital and in a 4 day coma- the result of a diabetic attack which may have been avoided if he just took better care of him self. To boot, I amvery active in Go Red, and am very fearful that the extra two people that I am carrying is way too much for my heart. Simply put, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die because I have too much to live for. Sorry for the cliche.
One of the problems that I have is eating regularly and eating well. I KNOW what I should be eating, more or less, but I don’t know how to determine portion size, and better yet, I don’t know go grocery shopping on a regular basis which leads me to order out a lot. we only have one car so when my hubby is at work, I am stuck in the house because there are no stores in walking distance and taking the bus with a toddler and groceries is just not doable.
I have been looking into home-delivery meal plans. I am really liking Fresh Dining. It seems like a great plan, but it is so expensive up front. Granted, I probably spend more than that on groceries and eating out, but it is just so expensive up front. I do know it’s worth it in long run- especially if I lose weight and start getting healthy.
So I have plan. I will share more later.