Letting Go
I feel like my world is spinning out of control and as much as I want to straighten it all out, I cannot. Losing my sister was a shock to me. She was young- 36 years old is so young- and I am still having difficulty understanding what has happened. I miss her so much despite the fact that our relationship was nothing if not rocky. I miss the better times- when we were close. When she would teach me all of the latest dance moves and braid my hair and pick out my clothes and make sure that no one picked on me. Life was eaiser then. Her life was easier then. It was a time before an unplanned baby, marriage, divorce, and another child. It was time before the wandering and the manipulations and the lies.
My mother told me that she is sad because my sister’s short life was filled with turmoil. I am sad too, but for a different reason. I am sad because I never got the chance to tell her that I love her. That I never got the chance to tell her that while I may have been angry with her, I never stopped caring. (Please resist the urge to tell me that she knew because that is not so much the point.) I needed to say it one last time. I needed a chance to purge myself of all of the anger that had been such a big part of our relationship.
But I am letting go now. I am letting go of it because these last three months have been a congestion of anger, guilt, and sadness. It has to stop. Time to move forward. Time to heal.
This brought tears to my eyes, because I have three sisters and definitely can relate to the loving yet at times conflictual relationship that sisters can share. I admire and respect the fact that you have chosen to “let go” and move forward with your life in spite of the pain. I pray that God gives you (and your family) the strength to continue doing whatever it is you need to do to get through this trial. ((hugs))
.-= Yakini´s last blog ..Sick Baby = Worried Mommy =-.