It Think It’s Time For A Friend Purge
I’m stressed. I’m stressed and feeling rather down and under-appreciated and definitely not respected. See, I don’t have a lot of friends. I have kept my circle small because there has always been drama when I was surrounded by too many. However, the ones that I have are dropping the ball lately. They are treating me like crap and it is finally starting to take its toll.
I am designing a web page for a , um, friend- have been for almost 6 months now. I’m not kidding. Completed sites normally take me about 2-4 weeks, but this one has been in progress for 6 months now. It’s not that I have been procrastinating. I have been working pretty much every day for more the 5 hours a day. Well, that is until recently. See, the friend is not paying me. The friend is not paying me at all. And despite my Virgo tendencies to want everything to be perfect, somewhere in mid August I realized that this person is a taker. I realized that this person is not worth the stress. And while I am not going to stop (I’ve put too much work in this), I just don’t care anymore. The site will not function well because this person does not respect my expertise in a field that I have been learning for the last 10 years. This person does not want to compromise and, so, I will do what is wanted despite what I know is best. In addition, this site is for a business and while I am busting my ass to get this site up and running, I know that the owner is not willing to do what it takes to get the business going. I know that it will never be successful. And so be it.
But what bothers me the most is that the person I am VOLUNTEERING my services to, has no regard for my personal time or space. The late night phone calls, the annoyed tone when I don’t jump when asked, lack of concern for what is going on in my life has made me ponder if it is in my best interest to continue the friendship at all.
And then, there are my other so-called friend (my in-real-life-friends). It seems that since every one knows that I am no longer teaching and am doing web and print design for a living, I am expected to do things for free. I get emails like the ones below. They are actual emails that I have received in the last week.
Kristina,
My daughter is having a birthday party next month. I want you to make her invitation. You don’t have to get a gift, just design the invitation. Thanks! I need it by next Monday.K-
I want to do a blog. Can you set it up for me. I know you must be bored being home. Just loook for some images for me and let me know what I owe you for them.Hey girl! What’s up? I miss you. Sorry I haven’t called or emailed before today. I need new business cards. You do that right? I was going to go to a service, but realized that I had an in with you.
I don’t mind helping people out, but it should not be expected. In fact, knowing that I am no longer receiving a steady paycheck should be reason enough for them NOT to ask me to provide services for free. I swear I’m at the point where I DREAD checking my email. I mean I really dread it.
Of course, when I say “no” these poor excuses for friends are suddenly too busy to talk. And when they do call, it is only to ask me for something or to vent to me about their lives. God forbid I need to vent- suddenly the kids are calling, or the dog needs to be walked, or it’s too late.
The fact of the matter is that the people who I call friends now are only concerned with one thing: themselves. They don’t care what is going on in my life.
And that hurts.
I do, however, have to say that I love my internet friends. Renee, who has never met me in real life, took time to send me a freelance writing job posting for educators simply because she knew I needed money. She is willing to hold my hand on our flight to Disney. Mommy at MommyDaddy Blog offered to help me learn to make money off of my blog although we have never met. When I was pregnant and on bed rest for 5 months and completely stressed it was not my so-called friends who soothed my fears. Kristen, Mom-101, and Ninja Poodles took me under their wings. They talked me through some tough times.
I guess there are still nice people in the world. I just wish they lived closer. LOL.
I’m sorry to hear about your “friends” that isn’t cool. I have people asking for “help” on their web sites or asking how to set up an online store. Most of my friends/family don’t really understand what I do. Have fun at Disney I so wish I could see everyone there. I hope everything works out with your “friends” and remember there are plenty of people to talk to online.
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I am so sorry that people can be so stupid and really selfish.
your friend from twitter..
meg
I totally understand this! It must be in the air this week because I’ve experienced something similar this week as well. My husband tells me that this is only a problem among women who put too much emotion into everything and also don’t understand boundaries. Wonder if he’s on to something?
Michele @ The Integrated Mothers last blog post..My View
Aww,that is sweet mentioning me. And I am sorry to hear about your friends IRL. I am fortunate enough to have friends and family that understand and support my endeavors. Even when I offer discounts they are not taken. Seems like a friend purge is needed – taking kindness for weakness is a horrible thing. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
you do beautiful work and you should be rewarded as such. i would never expect anyone to give me anything for free, especially if i knew that they weren’t working (choice or not). it takes strength and courage to separate yourself from negative influences. stand up for yourself! if people were taking advantage of your children you would rip them apart. it shouldn’t be any different if someone is taking advantage of you!
Kellys last blog post..Aloha Friday
Years ago I used to do designs for free only to have them abandoned DAYS after completion! I don’t talk about the things that I do online much because I’d be rambling tutorials that make no sense. Then I’d be designing again for FREE, lol! My computer is too slow as it is to be doing something for free. I don’t mind helping like minded people who appreciate it though! Email me if you have any questions! If I were going to Disney, I’d hold your hand too
care to give up your ticket? lol!
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.
Stephanie: you’re right- very few people understand what we do.
meg: from your mouth to God’s ears. LOL.
Michelle: I think your husband must be on to something. My male clients are generally not too bad.
Renee: I am so taking your advice. I will write about it my next post.
Kelly: thank you so much. I do need to stand up for myself. So many people mistake kindness for weakness.
Sheena- Exactly- appreciation is the key. I wa going to ask you why you did not have a website for your web/graphic design. I guess now i know. I so wish there was a way for you to join us in Disney- another person to hold my hand would be great. LOL.
Okay, those emails are really freaking stupid. Seriously. I would be like sorry, I don’t have time right now. I wish you gave me more notice. By the way, I don’t have time to get your daughter a gift either. Oops!
Hang in there Kristina. Purging the energy suckers is good for the soul.
Mom101s last blog post..Why a baby
Hello Mom101. What i left on her voice mail was something very similar. LOL. I added some other choice words too. I actually purged a lot today. Thanks.
Oh Kristina I’m so sorry that is happening. I also get that. I do hosting for anyone I have designed their site and I have this one couple that I’m friends with and I always have to practically force them to pay me for the hosting. On top of it they have several sites with me and I put out $20 a month to be able to provide the hosting service and they can’t manage to pay $9 a month for their 3 sites. Come March I’m moving everyone of my clients onto someone else and getting out of the biz LMAO. Most likely Godaddy then if they don’t pay and they lose their site their fault their problem not mine.
You are a wonderful helpful lady and deserve all the thanks in the world for your kindness. Not people just expecting you will help them.
Thanks again for the help you offered me you are just to sweet.
Carol
Carol Pyless last blog post..Getting Down to the Dark and Scary of Life
I can definitely relate. I have VERY few friends, mostly because I can’t tolerate pettiness, but thankfully those friends know better than to ask me to design anything for free. I recently did all the stationery for the wedding of a friend’s sister, and she paid me. She paid late, but she paid me.
Sadly, my family members, who know firsthand how tight our finances are, are the ones who expect things for free. And they even have their friends call me expecting free business cards, baby announcements, etc. However, I’m not one to mince words, particularly with my family, so it’s been a while since I’ve had that happen
I still get the occassional call to run errands, as if working from home means “always avaialable”. But once I let them know I wasn’t their personal concierge service, that was the end of it.
I definitely have started becoming closer to the women I have met online than ones in real life, mostly because by reading their blogs, I have found a personal connection with them that harder for me to do in person. You can count me in as one of your online buddies
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