I always said that I would not be the kind of parent to take my young child to see a movie that was/is too mature for her let alone to an evening movie. I always thought it was a sign of irresponsible parenting. Granted, I usually witnessed parents lugging their young ones to bloody movies like “Gladiator” and “Underworld,” so my reaction was based on that experience.

But then we became parents and started homeschooling. We have been blessed with an empathetic young girl who is an old soul with a unique, albeit simplistic, understanding of the complexities of the world. And she love superheroes. She is a big fan of Spiderman, Captain America, She-Ra, He-Man, and Superman. She is fascinated by Batman (although we’ve agreed that he is a hero but not a superhero because he does not have superpowers), thinks the Joker is silly and bad, confused by Catwoman, and wants to fight the good fight. We watch all of the old cartoon on Netflix and borrow comic books and graphic novels from the library. In fact, her sixth birthday party was superhero-themed complete with homemade capes and Ironman paper plates.

Now I admit that we share a connection over this love because I am a bit of a superhero buff. So, the hubs and I made the decision to see The Avengers and after skimming some online reviews on different parenting sites, agreed that The Tornado would love it as well. Tonight, we went to see The Avengers and I am SO happy that we did. Here’s why:

(1) It was a strong storyline, high-brow humor, and classic comedic timing. The movie was written and directed by Joss Whedon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Complete Series fame. He does not dumb down his dialogue and has a unique ability to keep the tone of his projects consistent and witty. This movie is proof that storytelling is an art form and that true comedy is not cursing or degrading someone.

(2) There was a strong female character. Scarlett Johansson’s character The Black Widow was beautiful and sensual. But those were only a few of her assets. She was strong, brave, a skilled fighter, and smart. She was respected amongst her peers and held her own in the testosterone-driven movie. Oh, and there is no gratuitous nudity and no ill-fitted (yes, I mean FITTED) love scene that hinders the momentum of this movie.

(3)There was a strong non-stereotypical Black-male lead. While I am not always a fan of Samuel L. Jackson’s choice of roles, I am so happy that he took this one. Nick Fury was intelligent, respected, strong, a leader, not ghetto, and a positive example of Black men. My daughter is not used to seeing Black men of this caliber regularly, so this was refreshing.

(4)There was a diverse group of people who were forced to work together. The Avengers are made up of one of the most diverse groups of characters (although a Black woman would have been a great addition) not only in their backgrounds but in the looks, intelligence, and skills. And while they have a difficult time accepting each other at first, they learn to work together to defeat a common enemy and in the process they learn to respect each other and their contributions to the overall machine!

(5)It showed the importance of maintaining emotional control. The Hulk’s first appearance in the movie scared her. She hid behind my arm and I had to talk her through his change and total loss of control. She was really scared but I used it as an opportunity to remind her that we all lose control sometimes and that Hulk was an exaggerated version of us all. But then an incredible thing happened. She saw that it was possible to control your emotions and think clearly so that you get the job done. For a six-year-old this lesson is so important. It is a lesson that we have been struggling with teaching it and living it at times.

(6)It showed the massive size of the universe. Andrew and I have always believed that the downfall of humans is thinking that we are the keepers of the universe. We are raising her to understand that the universe is too big and too unknown not to explore that possibilities of life elsewhere. We have taught her that there are endless possibilities when it comes to life on other planets and that no one can possibly know that if that life exists. This movie shows that we can never know what is out there and that good and bad comes in many different forms and from many different places.

(7)It showed that family dynamics are complicated and not always perfect. I come from a very imperfect family. My mom and I don’t speak and I pretty much only see my extended family at funerals. My oldest sister is no longer alive and I am estranged from her children. My remaining sister in far away and my in-laws have become my surrogate family.

(7)It showed that we are stronger than we think. Life isn’t easy. Problems arise and sometimes the solution is challenging and requires that we do more than what we think is our share- more than what we think we are capable of doing/giving. But we are stronger than we imagine and have more power than we know.

So there you have it. The Avengers have so many invaluable lessons that more children need to see. It was a really good movie and if you believe that your child will enjoy it, go ahead and see it. You won’t regret it! And I won’t judge you!

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You have the ability to make even the grumpiest little elf smile. You have lived through so much so far- death, illness, two moves (and an impending third), and my never-ending battle with depression, yet your spirit and compassion has been a light in the darkest of tunnels for so many. And while I have tried so hard to shield you from the harshness of the world, you have managed to prove to me that there is nothing you cannot conquer. Of all of the things you have inherited from your dad and me, it is strength that I think we were happiest to give.

Peanut, six years have passed us by so fast and we know too well that time is beyond our control. But as we enter into your sixth year of life, I promise to enjoy the days that we have ahead of us. It’s true that I will miss your baby and toddler years, but I look forward to every new stage that you’ve yet to discover. Know that you have completed us – me – in a way that escapes words. Know that these have been the best six years of my life so far.

Thank you for being you!

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 Tuesday, April 25, 2006

We went to Dr. Shaw’s office to have the first of our bi-weekly Non-stress Test(NST) and to check my amniotic fluid level as I thought my water broke a few days back but was in the shower and unsure. While there was some concern about the levels previously, it was determined that all was well. My levels were 11 cm(?) as of Tuesday April 18. This was supposed to be just an office visit, but Mya had other plans.

Mya sounded great on Tuesday. Her heart rate was strong but the nurse had a little difficulty actually tracking it for a long period of time. Mya was moving around a lot and kicking like crazy. However, when Dr. Shaw checked my fluid levels by ultrasound, he became a little concerned. It was low, but because I was a plus-size pregnant woman, he had difficult seeing much on his machine. To be safe, he sent me to the hospital to have a NST and an ultrasound done there. They would be more accurate and we would know if there was cause to worry or not.

We arrived at the hospital at around noon and had the NST. Everything was great. She had three peaks as she should have, and her movement was consistent. Unfortunately, I could not go to ultrasound right away as they were backed up. And, because I had gestational diabetes, Meg, the nurse was concerned about my blood sugar being too low. So, she sent us to lunch and told us to be back in an hour.

Andrew and I went to Pizzeria Uno’s ate lunch (I should have known that she was coming soon because for the first time in MONTHS I was able to eat and enjoy my food!) and returned to the hospital for the ultrasound. The tech performed a very thorough scan and told us that all of Mya’s organs were working well. He did say that the amniotic fluid was very low- 5.6 cm(?) at that point. He consulted the doctor and sent us back to labor and delivery. We knew that there was a possibility that I would have to be induced, but at this point nothing was certain.

Dr. Khoury, a partner at my OB’s, was on call. He informed us that I would have to be admitted and placed on IV’s of a Gatorade type liquid in hopes of increasing my fluid levels. I was admitted to the Antepartum unit of the hospital at 3:30 pm on April 25. It took six hours to get a bed in Maternity. Andrew went to work.

It was a long night. I was given 4-5 bags of fluids and had difficulty sleeping because it was too hot. My nurse was a witch with a capital “B” and refused to listen to me when I told her that something was wrong. She kept telling me that it was my hormones and at times even ignored me. I was fuming. I called Andrew to complain and then cried myself into a very weak sleep.

WED APRIL 26, 2006

Somehow I made it through the night and ate breakfast at 7:00 am. At 8:30 am I was wheeled back to ultrasound to check my fluids again.

3-4 cm(?). WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

Dr. Bravaro, another partner at my OB’s, told me that I would have to be induced. There were too many things that could go wrong. Mya was at risk for an infection and we needed to move quickly. She checked my cervix and it was soft but not dilated. Later that evening she inserted Cervadil (a shoestring like object with a hormone to ripen my cervix) into me and told me that I would be ready in about 12 hours. Andrew and I decided to get one of the private Labor, Delivery, Recovery, and Postpartum rooms so that I would be more comfortable and he or my mom could stay with me. I sent Andrew home so that he could get SOME sleep because he had only gotten 2 hours in the last 36.

Well, true to form, the meds worked quickly on me. By 10:00 pm I was having pretty intense contractions. I called the nurse and she told me that there was no way that I could be in labor that quickly. But I was. The contractions were coming every 5-7 minutes and they were lasting for almost 2 minutes. I was in pain. The nurses were not listening to me and I couldn’t fight. I was tired and in pain. Finally, I stood up to go to the bathroom and my water broke. There was no denying it now. I was in labor. I called Andrew and told him and then told the nurses.

THURS April 27, 2006

OK, so everything after this is kind of sketchy, but I will try to recant it as accurately as possible.

12:30 AM-6:00 AM: Dr. Bravaro checks my cervix. I am roughly 2cms but contractions are coming hard and fast. They start me on Pitocin (I think this is when they did that) and antibiotics (group beta strep +). I’m in pain. There is a sharp shooting pain in my pelvis and I am shaking. Sometime after they give me Staidol to relax me and to help me deal with the pain. Within 2 minutes I am spacey and apparently laughing hysterically for an hour.

6:00 AM – 12:00 PM: I am in and out of sleep. My contractions are even stronger and coming in pairs (two then none, two then none). They are about 2-4 minutes apart. Nurses still don’t believe that they are that strong as they are not showing n the monitor but they are in m back. They are starting to piss me off. Andrew is GREAT though. He helps me breathe and he tries to calm me. Mya’s head is pushing against my cervix and it hurts.

Lucy, the CNM at my O’s office, comes in and applies acupuncture to my hand and shoulder to help the pain. It works great, but now the contractions are so strong. They are coming 1-2 mins apart. No one checks my cervix and when I beg for an epidural, they tell me not now. Lucy tells me to take a warm shower to help relax my muscles. It works. She is fighting with the nurses but they are not listening. She is annoyed.

12:00 PM – 2:30 PM: Dr. Shaw (MY OB) is there. So is my Mom. I’m not sure when they got there, but I saw them and I felt better. Dr. Shaw checks my cervix (he is upset that the nurses had not been checking me and that they are being dismissive to my midwife) and I am 7 cm. He rushes to get me an epidural. THANK GOD!!!!

The Anesthesiologist, Dr. SavedMyLife, does my epidural and despite the intensity of my contractions, I manage not to move. It goes really well and quickly and relief comes before I know it. I dose off (as I do after any pain meds are given to me) for a little while and awake to breathe through contractions. Dr. Shaw checks me again, but no progress. I am still 7cms. But there is a problem. Mya’s heart rate is high and it hasn’t recovered with the contraction and I have a fever. Dr. Shaw is concerned that she has an infection and decides that she has to come out now. We don’t know how long I was losing fluid and it’s just too risky to wait. I understand and while I was asking for a c-section, I did not really want one. I’m crying and nervous because Mya could be in trouble. Things are getting really scary. But Dr. Shaw does not push c-sections either so I know if he wants to do one he is worried.

2:30 PM -3:21 PM: I’m given more meds by epidural to numb me for the surgery. My mom kisses me on the forehead. In a matter of minutes I am whisked to the ER and Andrew is taken to scrub up and be dressed. Things are moving so fast now. There are a lot of doctors in the OR including Dr. Hailey the Neonatologist. He informs us that he will take Mya as soon as she is born and check her. I’m in and out of sleep and not really sure what is going one.

After what seems like seconds, I hear her. Mya’s cry. It is like music to my ears. She is alive and breathing and from what I can see kicking like crazy. She has a huge head of hair and is very WHITE. I’m trying to watch, but I’m sleepy. Andrew screams, “she has my toe gap,” and I start laughing. It’s true. She has her father’s toe gap!!!!

April 27 2006
3:21 PM
5 lbs 15 oz
18 inches long

Andrew holds her and we cry. The nurses bring her to me to kiss and see. I’m so happy and I want to hold her, but I understand that she has to be treated for infection and her breathing is wrong. Dr. Hailey tells me that she will be in NICU and that Andrew can go with her. I’m relieved that her Daddy will be there.

Dr. Shaw closes my incision and tells me that Mya was stuck. My fibroid was preventing her from descending down the birth canal and that is what was causing the sharp pain. He says that the c-section went well and that all will be fine. I know they will be because I trust him 100%.

I’m wheeled into recovery and I sleep for a bit. After two hours I am allowed to see Mya, but I cannot hold her yet. She is in NICU and placed on CPAP to help her breathe and antibiotics to fight infection. I cry. I want to hold her, but it is not possible.
I’m taken back to my room where I sleep for a few hours. My mom wants to stay with me to ensure that the nurses do their jobs (she is a retired RN) and so that Andrew can go home and get some sleep. He is exhausted and the next few days will be tough for him.

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While I await the arrival of my cod liver oil, I am dealing with severe tooth pain. I have been chewing garlic and applying cayenne pepper paste to the tooth and while most work temporarily, longevity seems to be an unattainable goal. Then, while scouring the Interweb for holistic remedies, I came across something called oil pulling.

Simply put, you swish sunflower oil or sesame oil around your mouth being sure to pull it between your teeth for 20 minutes in the morning before eating or drinking anything. The oil pulls toxins and bacteria out of your mouth and your body. People have reported amazing results with oil pulling being held responsible for migraine, asthma, and allergy relief as well as promoting stronger teeth and reducing tooth pain.

Reducing tooth pain? Hell yeah! At this point I will try ANYTHING!

So, after some more research I found that coconut oil can be used for oil pulling as well. So, I liquified some and started pulling some oil. And the pain went away. It’s been about an hour and it has not returned.… This was enough to make me decide to do a 30 day oil pulling experiment. I will do it every morning and report on how I feel later that day.

Who knows, maybe oil pulling really is an ancient remedy for what ails us!

photo credit: Helen Ong

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