July 4th, 2010

Growing So Fast

Dear BabyGirl,

You lost your first tooth today on July 4, 2010 and upon realizing that you did, I burst into tears. They were not tears of joy as I told you in the hopes of stopping your tears of fear. In fact, while I hugged you and told you that everything would be OK, what I was thinking was that things would never be the same. And my heart aches.

Th loss of the first tooth will be followed by so many other firsts that I don’t want to think about. Each first takes you closer to adulthood and further away from the baby I see when I look at you.

I don’t mind you growing up, despite how it may seem. It’s just that you have grown so much in the last week. You can write all the letters of the alphabet. You can reach things off of Daddy’s dresser with very little strain. You want to pick out all of your own clothes. And now your tooth…

And you are only four. I love you! Please stop growing so fast. I’m not ready.

June 17th, 2010

Dear Whiny Blogger with the Two Faces and the Knife Pointed Sharply at the Backs of Those You Envy;

Get over yourself. Stop trying to cause trouble simply because you don’t feel good about yourself. Stop writing about what other people are getting and how you have not gotten your piece and step your game up. Cut the crap! No on owes you anything. Stop hiding behing fake smiles and the illusion of community and act your age. If you don’t like someone than be woman enough to be real about it. Don’t smile in her face and then talk crap behind locked doors with a bunch of women who would rather cluck relentlessly than work hard. You are the reason that this whole community is falling apart. And better yet, the reason you are not given things that you think you deserve is because you do stuff like this- you are not a honorable person and Karma is truly a bitch.

Love,

Kristina

May 10th, 2010

Happiest Mother’s Day Ever

Mother’s Day has always been filled with stress and sadness. My mother and I don’t get along and even after the passing of my eldest sister, our relationship has remained strained. It is a situation that I have come to accept- sometimes the best way to maintain one’s sanity is to remove themselves from the forces that are threatening that very sanity.

My first mother’s day was in 2006. I was recovering from a c-section and my daughter was only home from the NICU for about a week. I was in a daze and Mother’s Day had very little meaning for me then- after all I had only become a mother on April 27. But, my in-laws tried to celebrate and then me, my husband and our new daughter headed down to visit my mom 45 minutes away. It was a tense visit but it went rather smoothly (hospital strength Motrin and spending 2 of the 3.5 hours that we were there pumping breastmilk can do that).

My second Mother’s Day was spent cleaning my house and calling Poison Control when my daughter swallowed a packet of Silica. My husband had to work and with no transportation when he is at work, I stayed home alone and cooked and cleaned. My daughter was only a year old.

The next year my father-in-law (happier times) and my sister-in-law put together a brunch for all the mom’s. We had just moved into a new apartment and I was feeling like starting anew. In one of the last attempts to revive the relationship with my mother, I invited her to join us. I spent that morning running around like a chicken with my head cut off because I couldn’t find anything to wear that would please my mother and stave off any sideways glances and back handed compliments from her. I dressed my daughter perfectly knowing that any little thing would bring a barrage of criticisms about my daughter’s weight, my parenting skills, my hair, my weight, and my husband. Luckily, my husband made sure that once we arrived at my in-laws my glass and my belly stayed filled with mimosas.

Last year Mother’s Day came and went without a thought or a smile. My sister died on March 8 and my father-in-law on May 4. We buried him on May 7 (the first annual Mom’s Nite Out) and despite the sadness, I spent the weeks before coding and finishing the site for the event. But even with my close proximity to an event that celebrated Mother’s Day, we did not. We cried and grieved and tried to make sense of all that had happened.

I wasn’t expecting much this year. My husband makes me feel special all year round and my lack of connection with my own mother has made Mother’s Day a bit of a non-issue for me. And in true form, my family was experiencing yet another health issue as my mother-in-law is in the hospital recovering from triple bypass and a heart valve replacement. We were supposed to have a small BBQ with my husband’s sisters. But what I got was so much more.

I realized that while my feelings towards my mother are far from good, I am at a place where I have found peace with all of the things that have happened in part due to my husband’s family and my role as a mother. My mother-in-law and I are very close and I have come to view her more as my mom. My sister-in-laws and I are very close and while their love will never replace the love for my own sister who passed, it is strong and pure and unconditional. My other sister who lives in Florida and I are closer than ever before and I am unbelievably thankful for her friendship.

And my husband. My daughter. They are amazing. They made me breakfast in bed and we all snuggled after we had eaten playing a very competitive game of “I Spy”. We visited hubby’s mom in the rehab facility and she looked so good. She was full of life and healthier than I had seen her fore sometime. We went up to his mom’s house for a BBQ with his sisters and they fed me such good food that I felt like a stuffed pig last night. Ohm and this time the mimosas were not there to numb me. They were an added addition to a great day.

It was the best Mother’s Day ever and I have never felt more loved.

April 11th, 2010

It’s All About Me

Well I’m a little late to the party which is so unlike me. I can’t stand tardiness. But alas, it’s hard to be on time when you found out about the party less than 10 minutes ago. Nonetheless, better late than never,

My name is Kristina Brooke. It’s very nice to meet you. Mom on the Rise came to me one night when I realized that my desire to be “more” suddenly took over me after becoming a mom. Having a child made me realize that the life of “almost doing” was not longer good enough. So, I decided that teaching other kids was just not enough for me and I needed more. I am learning to find the time to get it all done and stay sane.

My husband and my daughter make me smile non-stop. They remind me that good exist in the world and that I am special. My hubby and I have been together for 13 years and married 7 years this August.

My hubby and daughter when she was only a fewm months old. She'll be 4 soon.

I have a lot of hobbies- many of which are rather nerdy. I like web design and choose to code using Notepad rather than a WYSIWYG editor. I enjoy reading about gadgets and watching true crime TV. I enjoy learning even when what I have learned is rather trivial. I’m addicted to all things Anne Rice and a good book can actually shut me up- which says a lot. (A word about Anne Rice: all of you Twilight fans- you have been completely duped by this inadequately written series. Anne Rice is the champion when it comes to Vampire tales). I am a knitter, crocheter, and writer (of adult fiction too).

My family has been through a lot of heart ache over the last year with the loss of my oldest sister and my father-in-law. But as my husband and I know, tragedy makes you stronger than you could ever imagine. I learned that early in life as I am a Rape Survivor and am trying to share my story so that others learn from my family mistakes.

I am a TravelingMom and host TravelingMom TV on MingleMedia TV every Monday at 9:00 PM  and on MomTV every Friday at 8:30 PM. I talk about travel, homeschooling, and exploring the world as a Mom of Hue in an interracial relationship.

Of course I have to mention that I am also on a mission to lose 195 pounds with the help of the Mamavation Sisterhood. My weight loss struggles have been a source of frustration for me, but I know that I will reach my goal.

So this is me. I hope you enjoyed learning a bit about me. See you around the Web!