A Lesson on How NOT to Mother
If you are very close to your mother, you may want to avoid this thread because this is a long vent from someone who is not.
My mother and I have alsways been on rocky road. She was not very maternal when I was growing up and she clearly favored my older sister (4 yers older) and tread me and my middle sister like crap. We are all biological sissters and were adopted. But from the time I was about 5 she used to pretty much make me feel like I owed her so much because she adopted us.
At any rate, out of the three of us, I am the only one to graduate college and get married and not have any kids out of wedlock. I have always worked and in fact, worked my way through college because she would promise to pay my tution and if I did not do everything she said she would cancel the check and leave me stranded in college.
Since my DH and I started dating, his family helped me pay for books and clothing and eventually our wedding. It would take a lifetime for me to explain all of the horrible things that my mother did to me, but let me summarise:
1. I was raped at a young age and she blamed me and called me a heffer and a slut.
2. She cancelled my tution check fout times and almost got me kicked out of college
3. When I miscarried my first child in Las Vegas and had to stay in the hospital and was not able to fly back home for another 5 days, she left my husband and I with out saying goodbye or offering to give us money when she knew that we were on a tight budget.
And then recently: My DH and I live in a room at my IL’s. It is cramped and with the baby coming we definitely want to move. But we were not really looking because we did not have the 1st/last/security money. But there happened to be an apartment available. A beautiful 2 bedroom for 1450 a month all utilites incluuded. It is a steal in Westchester. I hapened to mention it to her and she says, “set up an apointment. I will give you the 4350 if you like it.” So DH and I go look at, love it, tell the landlord we will take it and she tells me that she is not giving me anything because she helps my sisters out and she is not a bank.
OK; my sisters are both deadbeats. The oldest has two kids by two different guys eventhough she can;t afford them. In fact, she just had a second baby by another guy and she is not even divorced from her husband. My mother has paid her rent up to six months four times in the last three years. She bought her two cars, funiture, etc eventhough my sister has constantly cursed her out, demeaned herr to family friends, and tried to ruin my wedding. She even paid 60,000 for my sister’s wedding using money that my dad left me when he died with out even telling me.
I am fed up. I told my mother today that she is no longer welcomed in my life because she is toxic and to this day has never made and effort to treat me well. I told her that she will never see her grand child because as far as I am concerned, my mother does not exist.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not being a brat. But I have asked my mother for monetary help 2 time sin the last 10 years and she always gives me crap because she takes care of my sisters and WE are ALL milking her dry. I told her today that she has no problem telling me no but is very happy to help out two grown women who make no effort to better their lives. Did I mention that my sisters are 30 and 33?
I am fed up. I am so hurt and pissed off because now we lost the apartment and Lord knows when we will be able to move. I will NEVER treat my children like she does.