The Beginning
I guess there is no better place to start. I am fat. OK, I am obese. She thought that she had the “biggest knickers in the world,” but the truth is that her knickers pale in comparison. And while I am attempting make a sorry joke of this, the fact of the matter is that I cannot make a joke of how I feel. Forget how I look. How I look is no match for how I feel and that speaks volumes.
I entered the New Year, guns blazing reading to kick some fat butt. And I was doing well, until one night of slipping turned into to a week and then three. And now, here I sit, 10 pounds heavier than when I started and 10 times angrier than ever before.
My hairdresser remarked one day, thinking it was funny, that I had such “skinny ankles for your size.” She went on and on about how my ankles are “too skinny to support the rest of me” and that I am “obviously not supposed to be fat”. It was painful to hear, because I DO have skinny ankles and I really do wonder how they hold me up. But it was more painful to hear someone be surprised that I was not always fat.
I was always bigger. But I was always in shape. I was an athlete. I played basketball (and have too many trophies to remind me of that), and volleyball (yep, trophies from that too), and softball (MVP), and track (I could sprint like nobody’s business). But that was so long ago.
That was 15 years ago. That was over 170 pounds ago. That was a lifetime ago and while I long for those days, I know that what truly matters is that I am healthy.<
So this is the beginning. Not the start of another diet attempt that is bound to go the way of Dashikis and Polyester one-piece suits. This is the start of a change that will be unstoppable.
And this is where I will write about it.
photo credit: Dave of wikiHowl